Why am I here?

I get asked that question quite a bit. Why Vietnam? Why here in Go Vap? Why for 3 mos? And you know, there isn't a definitive moment that I can think of to answer why. Desire is one word. What connection do I have with Vietnam if any? The only answer I can give, is that growing up in Hawaii, I had a few Vietnamese students in my class. In 4th grade, Tinh was new to our class. He was tall, thin, black hair, and had the biggest ears I had ever seen. The boys would pull on them and tease him during recess. Tinh could not speak English, he followed orders by example. I wanted to be his friend, help him. We would play a little together, until one day, out of silliness, I wanted to show my affection so I did what every girl does, you punch or kick someone you really like, I pulled his ears while waiting in line after recess. I saw his face, he was hurt, and really frustrated. I will never forget his face. I hurt someone that I cared about and I couldn't say I'm sorry. At a young age, it left an impact on me. Here is a young boy, that is put into the school system with out knowing any English. How scary. Maybe he was scared, maybe he was happy to be out of Vietnam. Either way, I don't know because he couldn't talk with me. I still often wonder about him and his sister. I'm sure he doesn't even remember me, and yet, he had an impact on my life. Someone who faces his fears on a daily basis and grows from it. He faced bullies every day on the playground that judged him because of his nationality and because of his ears, and yet, he came to class every day to learn more.

I was also influenced by a Vietnamese family that moved into a home on Ilihau Street. The mother was kind. Her children were very young, not any age that I would play with, but the Mother was so kind to me. Always waving hi when I walked home from school, having a cool drink waiting for me as I walked by. I wish I could remember her name. I loved the smells from her kitchen, rice and fish sauce. I guess I was at a very impressionable age. The only other connection I have to knowing anyone from Vietnam is the girl that lived down the road from us in California. Her name was Wen. She was a year younger than me. I loved going to her house. There were 3 generations living in that one house. There was always cooking going on, children running around, her grandparents were kind. She moved to San Francisco one day. I was very sad. I loved her accent, her jet black hair, her family life. I loved that her hair was so long and one day, she gathered it up behind her and cut it in one swipe, wow, to me that took guts!! And it came out so nice!

And then there is the obvious, the war. I've always wondered what Vietnam looks like. We've all heard stories about the war and have seen photos. We all know someone that was in the war. I really don't know or understand why we were here. But I think it is amazing that people here are so welcoming and happy to see an American. And let me tell you, where I am, I haven't seen another one since I've been here. I do get the looks, the double takes. Some men yell at me. They yell because I am the answer to them getting out of Vietnam. I was told that I will be wooed from many to attempt romance, so that we can get married and then my new husband can come to America and live a happy life. I left America to find happiness here and they are dreaming of coming to America to find happiness there.

So the answer to the question still remains and maybe the only answer I can give that makes sense is that God put this desire in my heart and once I recognized it and took steps to achieve it, all the doors opened to make it possible. Here are just some of the amazing things that happened for me to get here: I met Anna, a wonderful woman that answered some of my questions I had posted online about coming here and volunteering. Anna is a teacher here in Vietnam. She is from the Philippines and has been here for 2 years. I started asking questions on TripAdvisor and she would give some answers. I then started to ask her directly on TripAdvisor. We started corresponding more and more. Now I consider her a dear friend. Anna met Felix one day while she was working as a guide at the Notre Dame Basilica in Ho Chi Minh City. She asked Felix if he would be interested in having an American come for 3 mos to help teach English. He was, so Anna gave me his email. We started to correspond. Then to make it easier, we started to use Skype to communicate. Felix is from India, he has been here teaching English for almost 2 years. He has 5 young men here studying and living in his home that he rents in the BenCat area of Go Vap. He is very dark, tall, thin, has a great laugh and a great disposition. He was interested in me helping him teach English in the morning every day during the week. He also asked if I could help clean the teeth of some disabled children and blind girls. Of course!   So now I have a purpose. How long can I go for?? Well, Vietnam will only allow you to visit for 3 mos. I could get a learning certificate and stay longer but I was not interested in all that red tape. 3mos would be long enough. I was planning on leaving my Dental Assisting position and returning full time at the Diner that I work at. I told the Dr. my plans and at first he didn't take it too well. After a few days of letting it sink in, he asked me to come back after my visit and still work for him! Now to find a dental assistant to replace me. As luck would have it, an experienced dental assistant was looking for a job for only 3 mos because she is moving to FL in June, what are the odds??! And when I purchased my plane ticket, I figured I would have to spend almost 2 grand. I kept looking and looking at the flights. One night, I found one for $850.00, that's cheaper than flying to California and this was round trip! Next to find a room, by this time, I had sent out many emails to different locations to inquire about rent. Anna was even trying to get me a room where she rents, but the owner never responded. And now I am thankful because Felix found me a room to rent with a family that lives a few miles away for only $100.00 a month and I have my own bathroom. Now to make sure I have enough money.....I was given so many generous gifts of money that my rent was paid ahead of time. I was also given by Patti 2 boxes of toothbrushes and by Dr. Roth, 2 boxes of toothpaste. I found dictionaries and books at the second hand stores etc. This trip has truly been a gift. God has taken care of everything, all I had to do was find the courage to go. To trust and go. And to be honest, the day Mark took me to the airport, I cried, out of fear. I was feeling scared of what I was heading into. I was giving up so much to come here. Afraid of the unknown. Afraid of the language barrier, the food, the weather, the family I am staying with, did I pack enough medicine? Did I pack enough feminine products?? Do they even sell that stuff here?? Through our tears Mark said, "any time you feel that you want to come home, you just let me know."  It's funny because I do want to come home, I want to run home, screaming and laughing, like a child after school. But I am not ready to come home just yet, there is still something pulling at me and I think only time will tell what it is.